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Self-Checkout

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“Does your cat like that?”

The question barely penetrated my consciousness because I was busy looking up PEPPERS–JALAPEÑO. So she repeated it.

“Sir, does your cat like that?”

She was pointing at the bag of dry cat food sitting on the out tray.

“Yeah,” I said wondering where this was going.

A few moments earlier she had noticed me turning the parsley over in my hands looking for the four-digit produce code. She had come over and punched in the code from memory. I had thanked her and reckoned that our interaction was at an end, but there she was asking about my cat food.

“I use Purina,” she volunteered.

“Mm,” I responded as I picked up the cat food and my bag of other groceries.

“I’ll have to give that a try,” she said nodding at my cat food.

I walked away. I’m sure she was just being friendly, perhaps even trying to relieve the tedium of watching over the self-checkout lines, but if I had wanted human interaction, I would have waited in line for a cashier.

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Songs About Rainbows

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In The Muppet Movie, Kermit sings a song that goes,

“Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”

I’ve racked my brain and I can think of only one song about rainbows and what’s on the other side. It is Over the Rainbow, and Judy Garland sings it in The Wizard of Oz. So Kermit should actually sing,

“Why are there so few songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”

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Reflections on Having Longer Hair

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I grew my hair out over the past several months. It has been an enlightening experience. My daughter, Jane, claims I have mullet now.

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Yes, you do,” she says. “Business in the front, party in the back.”

Regardless what you call it, my hair is certainly longer than it has ever been. I understand now why women spend so much time grooming. It’s necessary. I also understand why they do that little head toss that I used to find so enchanting. They just want to get their hair out of their face.

One thing that surprised me was how heavy wet hair is. It gave me new respect for the women I know who have waist length hair.

Recently, I ran out of my manly, leave-in conditioner, so I’ve been using whatever happens to be in the shower. This morning it was “Coconut Milk Conditioner.” The bottle makes it sound luxurious:

Indulge your senses with this exclusive blend with coconut milk, coconut oil, and ultra whipped egg white proteins. This exotic formula helps add strength, elasticity, hydration, and balance for healthy hair.

It’s good to know that my conditioner can substitute as food in a pinch if I am overcome by hunger while taking a shower. I suppose I’m supposed to be impressed with how natural and organic it is, but cow dung is also natural and organic. Only a credible threat of force or rich emoluments could induce me to put cow dung in my hair. (Why mess with shampoo when you can use real poo!) I suppose that’s why athletes and celebrities endorse various products. Still, I know enough about egg whites, ultra whipped or not, to be certain they will provide “hold”—that elusive quality every hair care product promises to supply in varying degrees. Moreover, the scent of coconut was subtle rather than overpowering as are the fragrances of so many hair products. So I was happy with the result despite my misgivings.

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