humorous quick thoughts

Songs About Rainbows


In The Muppet Movie, Kermit sings a song that goes,

“Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”

I’ve racked my brain and I can think of only one song about rainbows and what’s on the other side. It is Over the Rainbow, and Judy Garland sings it in The Wizard of Oz. So Kermit should actually sing,

“Why are there so few songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”

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Reflections on Having Longer Hair


I grew my hair out over the past several months. It has been an enlightening experience. My daughter, Jane, claims I have mullet now.

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Yes, you do,” she says. “Business in the front, party in the back.”

Regardless what you call it, my hair is certainly longer than it has ever been. I understand now why women spend so much time grooming. It’s necessary. I also understand why they do that little head toss that I used to find so enchanting. They just want to get their hair out of their face.

One thing that surprised me was how heavy wet hair is. It gave me new respect for the women I know who have waist length hair.

Recently, I ran out of my manly, leave-in conditioner, so I’ve been using whatever happens to be in the shower. This morning it was “Coconut Milk Conditioner.” The bottle makes it sound luxurious:

Indulge your senses with this exclusive blend with coconut milk, coconut oil, and ultra whipped egg white proteins. This exotic formula helps add strength, elasticity, hydration, and balance for healthy hair.

It’s good to know that my conditioner can substitute as food in a pinch if I am overcome by hunger while taking a shower. I suppose I’m supposed to be impressed with how natural and organic it is, but cow dung is also natural and organic. Only a credible threat of force or rich emoluments could induce me to put cow dung in my hair. (Why mess with shampoo when you can use real poo!) I suppose that’s why athletes and celebrities endorse various products. Still, I know enough about egg whites, ultra whipped or not, to be certain they will provide “hold”—that elusive quality every hair care product promises to supply in varying degrees. Moreover, the scent of coconut was subtle rather than overpowering as are the fragrances of so many hair products. So I was happy with the result despite my misgivings.

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Pretty Good


It has been over a year since I posted a blog. And what a year! I’m not ready to write about it, but I want to write something, so I decided to start off the year with a brief explanation of hillbilly praise.

Hillbillies are among the least understood ethnic groups in America. Others think they are lazy and shiftless when they are merely laconic. Hillbillies love understatement. They tend not be very expressive or dramatic. How do I know? Because I am a hillbilly.

It’s true.

My mother tried hard to cut us off from our hillbilly roots, but some things are bred in the bone. I grew up unaware that I carried within myself all the characteristics of a true hillbilly. Not until I began to notice that other people had a hard time reading me did I wonder why. Then my wife began to point out certain turns of phrase.

For example, she would ask my opinion of a movie. “Pretty good,” I would say whether I liked it or not. Over time she learned to detect subtle differences in the way I said “pretty good.” If I really liked something, I would say “pretty GOOD” with a subtle emphasis on the “good.” But if I thought it was dreck but didn’t want to offend, I would say “PRETty good.” For something mediocre or if I had no opinion, I would just say it without inflection.

Once I got started, I saw all kinds of things that marked me as a hillbilly. I’ve learned to embrace it, but it hasn’t been easy. People ask me how I’m doing. And now you know my answer: Pretty good.