Darkness.

It was all around me, wherever I looked. I could see no difference whether my eyes were open or closed. I was walking aimlessly, but for a long while the darkness was unrelieved except by the transient bursts of photopsia that told me my visual cortex was still functioning.

Finally, I saw a faint glimmer, very weak but apparently real. It persisted. If I closed my eyes, it disappeared and reappeared when I opened them. I started toward it.

As I drew closer, the light grew stronger. Before long, I could dimly make out my own body, and I began to see others nearby. No one spoke to me, and I spoke to no one, but we all drew closer to the light. The light became strong enough to really see, and I beheld myself dressed in rags and covered in grime. My arms and legs shown through holes in my clothes and were covered with bruises and painful sores. I had not noticed the pain before, but as soon as I did, I realized that I had been walking with a limp because of some injury to my right leg. Those nearest me were in as pitiable condition as I.

Up ahead I saw someone much closer to the light. As I watched, his rags suddenly burst into flame, and I saw him crumple to the ground. He seemed to sob uncontrollably, but then I saw him rise, newly clothed in raiment of dazzling white.

I drew near to see better, but as I did so, I realized that I was also exposing myself to the unwelcome gaze of others around me. I could feel their eyes on me, assessing the extent of my injuries and judging how dirty and tattered were my clothes. In shame I stopped and withdrew into the shadows, but the light remained shining and beckoning me onward.

I do not know how long I spent oscillating within the penumbra of that light, drawn forward by desire and then repelled backward by shame and fear. It could have been mere hours or days or even years. I saw others around me doing the same curious dance. Occasionally, one would set out toward the light with a look of resolution, and I would see them burst into flame, fall, and rise as if reborn. More often, though, I saw others abandon the light altogether, turn their backs and walk away into the surrounding darkness. I could not tell which of these two types suffered more.

At last I knew that I too would have to choose. Approaching closer to the light seemed to offer hope but at a terrible cost, but leaving the light behind seemed to offer nothing but despair and the conviction that I was saving myself. I could no longer put it off. I must choose.